Emotions are a guage and that's all. They are a guage of whether we are being true to ourselves or not. Negative feelings are an opportunity to question ourselves about where we are compromising ourselves. Most of the time, it's because we have some agenda, some want, some need that we are compromising our own selves to hold on to. It's almost, if not always, based on some fear of loss. Loss of approval, loss of love, loss of security.
Feelings are not meant to be acted out on. Acting out on feelings, or using drugs or alcohol to bury them is destructive and is a compromise to our own character. Knowing who you are and moving toward who you want to be is the best defense against compromising your character to satiate and calm your emotions.
Pay attention to your feelings and use them as a tool. Our character is the navigator of our life. Emotions are just an indicator of whether we are on or off course.
Our character is the only gift and the only meaningful contribution we have to give in this life. Make it good.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Preventing Child Abuse
Written and contributed by Elisabeth Chambers:
To whom it may concern,
Too often I hear stories of child abuse on the news or on social networks. It is time that we do something about it. Yes it is going to cost money now, but in the long run it will save lives. There are many issues associated with child abuse; lack of knowledge, lack of help, Post-Partum Depression, and the cycle of abuse. I have several ideas that can help mothers and families get the help they need before the abuse ever happens.
The abstinence approach that our school’s sexual education classes preach is out dated and is not going to help anyone. We need a more practical approach to preventing unplanned pregnancy. We have a free way to reach at-risk parents so let’s use it. These classes should show real truths about raising a child. How much money it costs, the stability that children thrive on, statistics about single mothers. The truth is we need to educate teenagers about the fact that having a baby will not keep their boyfriends or make a perfect family. Showing the poverty and abuse that will occur can be a huge deterrent for these girls.
The problem is not just teen mothers, but unprepared mothers of all ages. There should be parenting classes free to the public, potentially even mandated by the hospital in order for your baby to go home with you. These classes need to have ways to calm your baby, ways to calm yourself, and ways to ask for help. If every parent understood that their child relies 100 percent on them, then it might be easier for the parent to regroup their thoughts and do what is best for the child. We need to make it easier for parents to find and ask for help. Not everyone has a support system and the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is true. If a mother is overwhelmed for whatever reason, she needs a break. There should be networking for these mothers/families to reach out to each other for help. Also we should have a postnatal check-up with both mother and baby where professionals can try to find signs of post-partum depression and give the mothers the help they need. If we have all these ways for mothers and families to reach out and get help then we should not need the next step.
Removal of a child from their home is traumatizing and can have lifelong effects. Unfortunately this is when the state takes its first steps. My hope is with education and help parents will never get to the point of losing their kids. We should have help and support available for parents before they resort to abuse. Let’s put in place stricter child abuse laws. We have the chance to change this broken system and I think it is time we do it.
Reunifications should only be the goal when the parent is ready and willing to take on the responsibilities. This should be a slower process and should be done in a half-way home where there are others to help the family move forward. If the parent can learn to show the child respect and is willing to do the work it takes to change their behavior, then being back with their parents in a safe nurturing home is the best option. The laws should change to put the child first. Parents lose the right to make the decisions when they show a lack of responsibility to their children. If reunification takes place and there is a relapse that should be it. As it stands right now the children can go back and forth over and over, this can be more damaging to the child. It should be easier for the state and judges to terminate parental rights in the interest of what is best for the child.
To whom it may concern,
Too often I hear stories of child abuse on the news or on social networks. It is time that we do something about it. Yes it is going to cost money now, but in the long run it will save lives. There are many issues associated with child abuse; lack of knowledge, lack of help, Post-Partum Depression, and the cycle of abuse. I have several ideas that can help mothers and families get the help they need before the abuse ever happens.
The abstinence approach that our school’s sexual education classes preach is out dated and is not going to help anyone. We need a more practical approach to preventing unplanned pregnancy. We have a free way to reach at-risk parents so let’s use it. These classes should show real truths about raising a child. How much money it costs, the stability that children thrive on, statistics about single mothers. The truth is we need to educate teenagers about the fact that having a baby will not keep their boyfriends or make a perfect family. Showing the poverty and abuse that will occur can be a huge deterrent for these girls.
The problem is not just teen mothers, but unprepared mothers of all ages. There should be parenting classes free to the public, potentially even mandated by the hospital in order for your baby to go home with you. These classes need to have ways to calm your baby, ways to calm yourself, and ways to ask for help. If every parent understood that their child relies 100 percent on them, then it might be easier for the parent to regroup their thoughts and do what is best for the child. We need to make it easier for parents to find and ask for help. Not everyone has a support system and the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is true. If a mother is overwhelmed for whatever reason, she needs a break. There should be networking for these mothers/families to reach out to each other for help. Also we should have a postnatal check-up with both mother and baby where professionals can try to find signs of post-partum depression and give the mothers the help they need. If we have all these ways for mothers and families to reach out and get help then we should not need the next step.
Removal of a child from their home is traumatizing and can have lifelong effects. Unfortunately this is when the state takes its first steps. My hope is with education and help parents will never get to the point of losing their kids. We should have help and support available for parents before they resort to abuse. Let’s put in place stricter child abuse laws. We have the chance to change this broken system and I think it is time we do it.
Reunifications should only be the goal when the parent is ready and willing to take on the responsibilities. This should be a slower process and should be done in a half-way home where there are others to help the family move forward. If the parent can learn to show the child respect and is willing to do the work it takes to change their behavior, then being back with their parents in a safe nurturing home is the best option. The laws should change to put the child first. Parents lose the right to make the decisions when they show a lack of responsibility to their children. If reunification takes place and there is a relapse that should be it. As it stands right now the children can go back and forth over and over, this can be more damaging to the child. It should be easier for the state and judges to terminate parental rights in the interest of what is best for the child.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
She is Not The Addiction
She is not the Addiction. The Addiction is not her. She is a beautiful, generous, and loving woman. She has wants and needs.
The Addiction is not the person that she is. It's separate with It's own powerful wants and desires.
She's just a puppet doing It's bidding. It pulls the strings. It dictates her actions and her words.
It wants nothing more than to be fed and to be fed and to be fed.
Refuse It and It throws up a fast moving slide show of all of It's sins to demonstrate that she is a horrible person and that she is the Addiction. It lied, It cheated, and It hurt her most precious people. She believes It's lie. She believes that she is the Addiction.
Her self loathing is mirrored in the eyes of others as they look at her with judgment and disappointment.
Her body betrays her. It craves the Addiction and punishes her for not giving in to It. It shakes and sweats and vomits and the pain is sharp and endless.
It takes her to the depths of hell then promises her that she will feel better if she'll just feed It. It beats her down physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She has no strength left to fight It. Desperate for the promise that It offers, she feeds It again.
And she hates herself.
The Addiction is not the person that she is. It's separate with It's own powerful wants and desires.
She's just a puppet doing It's bidding. It pulls the strings. It dictates her actions and her words.
It wants nothing more than to be fed and to be fed and to be fed.
Refuse It and It throws up a fast moving slide show of all of It's sins to demonstrate that she is a horrible person and that she is the Addiction. It lied, It cheated, and It hurt her most precious people. She believes It's lie. She believes that she is the Addiction.
Her self loathing is mirrored in the eyes of others as they look at her with judgment and disappointment.
Her body betrays her. It craves the Addiction and punishes her for not giving in to It. It shakes and sweats and vomits and the pain is sharp and endless.
It takes her to the depths of hell then promises her that she will feel better if she'll just feed It. It beats her down physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She has no strength left to fight It. Desperate for the promise that It offers, she feeds It again.
And she hates herself.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
My Son Is Half Ghost
Me: We want to fly to Hawaii for Bonnie's wedding and to see Annie and the kids.
Nathan: We should take a ship.
Me: It would take too long. I've been on a ship before.
Nathan: You have? What was it's name?
Me: I don't remember. Carnival?
Nathan: Did it sink?
Me: Yes.
Nathan: Did you get on a life boat?
Me: No. I swam for two days in the freezing water. I had icicles on my eyebrows and no food or water.
Nathan: There was water!
Me: Yea, but it was salt water. Salt water is poisonous to us. It will make us crazy. I did drink some. That's why I am like I am.
Nobody else survived. Not even your dad.
Nathan: Dad's at home!
Me: I know but he's a ghost.
Nathan: (In an unbelieving tone. It took this long?) If he's a ghost, how come I can see him?
Me: Because, silly, if he's a ghost then that means your a half ghost. Of course you could see him.
Nathan: Really!? I'm a half ghost?! Then maybe I'm only half afraid of ghosts.
This is too easy. We should be able to carry Santa through his 15th birthday.
©
Saturday, May 26, 2012
It's a Memorial Day to Cry For
I cried this morning. That's nothing new. I cry a lot. I cry at everything. I cry at the TV. I cry if someone else is crying. I never let anyone cry alone.
This morning I was crying with Katie Stack. I don't know if she was crying but it's ok if she wasn't. I got this covered.
I don't really know Katie very well. I know she is a beautiful, joyous, sweet, and strong young woman. She has a little girl named Mikayla. I have met her but most of what I know of Katie, I know of through her Facebook posts, through what I hear from my son and my daughter-in-law who are her friends, and through the death of her husband, Lance Cpl. James B. Stack.
James was shot while on foot patrol in the Sangin Valley in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan. He was a Marine with the 3/5 Dark Horse.
I knew about the Sangin Valley before James' death. If you are the mother of a Marine, you know about the 3/5.
James, the Sangin Valley, and the 3/5 touched on that place for me that pulled back the curtain of denial and exposed the Wizard of Vulnerability. I could be James' mother. Katie could be my daughter-in-law. Mikayla could be my grandchildren. I felt it hard.
My son was the escort to bring James home to Illinois from Dover. There was a poignant picture published in their local newspaper with my son next to the airplane that he flew in on with James. He was hugging Katie. My heart broke. I could feel that moment for her. My son wasn't just her friend. He wasn't just the escort for her husband. He was the personification of a life that she had with her husband.
This morning I was crying with Katie Stack. I don't know if she was crying but it's ok if she wasn't. I got this covered.
I don't really know Katie very well. I know she is a beautiful, joyous, sweet, and strong young woman. She has a little girl named Mikayla. I have met her but most of what I know of Katie, I know of through her Facebook posts, through what I hear from my son and my daughter-in-law who are her friends, and through the death of her husband, Lance Cpl. James B. Stack.
James was shot while on foot patrol in the Sangin Valley in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan. He was a Marine with the 3/5 Dark Horse.
I knew about the Sangin Valley before James' death. If you are the mother of a Marine, you know about the 3/5.
James, the Sangin Valley, and the 3/5 touched on that place for me that pulled back the curtain of denial and exposed the Wizard of Vulnerability. I could be James' mother. Katie could be my daughter-in-law. Mikayla could be my grandchildren. I felt it hard.
My son was the escort to bring James home to Illinois from Dover. There was a poignant picture published in their local newspaper with my son next to the airplane that he flew in on with James. He was hugging Katie. My heart broke. I could feel that moment for her. My son wasn't just her friend. He wasn't just the escort for her husband. He was the personification of a life that she had with her husband.
It's the beginning of the weekend to celebrate Memorial Day. I cried this morning because for the first time in my life, I really felt what that meant. Memorial Day is a day that we remember those that gave the greatest sacrifice for our country. I'm also remembering those that are left behind.
Mikayla
©
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