Nathan and Jayden #6

Nathan is my 6 year old son and Jayden is my 4 year old granddaughter.
I am just journaling about them and the things they say and do.

I kept Jayden for the night on Nathan's birthday. I had to work the next morning and planned to drop Jayden off at preschool on my way. She was complaining about her tummy not feeling good all morning. I tried sending her to the bathroom and feeding her. She would play for awhile then complain about her tummy again. She has a sensitive tummy so I didn't get too concerned. We were getting in the car to leave and she told me I should get her a bowl in case she throws up. I'm the grown up and I know it's not necessary. I'm still not taking this too seriously. On the way, she was sure she had to throw up. I pulled over and took her out of the car. False alarm. No throwing up. Now I'm thinking I should be taking her a little more seriously. She's in the back chattering as Jayden does, then she was quiet. Nathan says, "Mommy, Jayden's throwing up." She was. Over and over. She was in her booster chair, her legs held together, being so careful to throw up into her lap. I pulled over in a church parking lot and went to her door. She is sitting there with a lap full of vomit and her concern was the car. She says in her sweetest little voice, "Now what do I do?" I unbuckled her and picked her up like a little vomit bucket. She didn't get a drop on my car. From now on, if she tells me to bring a bowl, I'm bringing a bowl. God, I adore that little girl.
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I was thinking about the day Ryan came to tell me his girlfriend was pregnant. It didn't feel the way I imagined something like that would feel. As his mom, I had so many hopes for him that I was sure a baby would put an end to and it would make me so sad and scared. But that's not how it worked. I've written before that I had dreams for two nights before he told me. In both of them, I was having another baby and it was a girl.

Every feeling I thought I would have didn't happen when he told me. It felt more like, here we are, let's move forward from here.

We debated the gender until the sonogram. I knew what those dreams meant and I knew it was a girl.

I look at Jayden and I can't imagine life without her.

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Me: I love you ten million times.
Nathan: Ten million? That seems low.

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Me: You have a smart mouth.
Nathan: A smart mouth means I'm smart.

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Me: No kidding?
Nathan: No sh
Me: You almost said a bad word.
Nathan: No, I didn't.
Me: Yes you did. I heard you.
Nathan: What bad word?
Me: No, shit.
Nathan: I didn't almost say that. I almost said what the fuck.

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We were in Walmart for the previous conversation. Nathan is usually shy and quiet in public. It never fails that we are in a store the rare times he ever uses a loud voice and it's always to announce he has to poop. That conversation took place in his 'I have to poop' voice. I happened to be looking directly at the innocent face, the big blue eyes, and the missing front teeth when he loudly and clearly said, "I almost said what the fuck."

I had to turn my head because I started to laugh. That face and those words just didn't fit together.

I was remembering when Ryan was that young. I would have freaked out to hear him say those words. It would have been Tobasco sauce in the mouth, two days of lectures, grounded to his room, and sleepless nights sure my baby was headed to a life of drugs and crime. Some might think that after having five kids and a stepdaughter and 27 years of raising them, I am getting a little lax. I'm not. I've just figured out that none of it is the end of the world.

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And my favorite
Grandma, I yuv you
Mommy, I lusz you