Ask To Understand

I have read a few interesting blogs recently that got me thinking about intolerance.

I grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the 60's and early 70's. It was a conservative town that had no tolerance for races other than white, homosexuality, or men with long hair. I had never seen a black person other than watching The Mod Squad, didn't know of any homosexuals, and had secret crushes on the guys with long hair. I don't think I had even heard the terms black, African American, or gay. I had heard every other derogatory term associated with them. Growing up in that environment, I had never given any thought to what any of it meant. It was all worlds away just like the Viet Nam war was. None of it had anything to do with my world.

When I was 12, we moved to a somewhat larger town that had just a little bit more diversity. By the time I was 14, I had seen black people but never met one and had met gay people, but didn't know it. Gays were still very much in the closet. It was then that I started questioning.

I was sitting at the kitchen table and asked my dad why everyone hated black people. I wasn't challenging him or his beliefs at all. At that point in my life, I believed there was probably good reason to hate. It just didn't make sense to me. I figured that everyone else knew something that I didn't and I wanted to know what they knew. My dad kicked me hard enough to knock me off the chair and threw a Coke bottle at me (they were glass then). He told me to never talk to him like that again.

That was 34 years ago. In the time since, I still haven't heard a conversation any more intelligent than that one that supports racism or homophobia. I would like to add just for irony, not long after that, my dad was jumped at work by three white men, one with a tire iron, and he was beaten pretty badly. It was a black man that saved his ass.

It was years before I ever touched on the subject of race with my dad again. The next and only other conversation I had with him was asking him if he is so prejudiced, how did he marry my mom. She is a card carrying half-breed from the Chickasaw Nation. He said she lied to him. Mom is proud of her heritage and has black hair, brown eyes, and dark skin. She was also very beautiful. That tells me that racism holds water for only as long as it doesn't interfere with other desires.

One of the blogs I had read talked of an interview with someone that thought marriage should be between a man and a woman. That's how she was raised was given as her reason for her opinion. None of us are obligated to think about the issues that don't directly affect of us. It's helpful if we do, but I don't take issue with those that choose not to. I do take issue with those that have chosen not to think about them but are still willing to give their opinion. Because that's the way I was raised would be better stated as, I have never thought or asked about it. If we aren't going to think about it, or learn about it, we have no right to perpetuate intolerance with our lazy opinions.

There are those that glean their opinions on homosexuality from the Bible. I have my own take on that that probably belongs in a separate blog, and I am not expert enough on the Bible to refute what they say. I do know they are skipping the parts about tolerance, love thy neighbor, and judge not lest thee be judged. I do know enough to know Jesus loved everyone and didn't turn his back on anyone. I would like to see those that embrace the Bible embrace all of it. It would make them much better people.

I would like to see more conversations take place about these issues. We express ourselves and share our opinions among ourselves, in our own cultures, but we don't reach out to other cultures and ask questions. It still leaves us all a bit ignorant. It's far better than when I was a child but we still don't have the freedom to talk about these issues.

They are understandably contentious issues. There have been decades and centuries of damage leading to collective anger. As justified as that anger is, it stands in the way of the momentum towards acceptance and understanding that we could see.

We have to be willing to step outside of our own cultures and ask questions, even at the risk of sounding insensitive and ignorant. We have to be willing to listen and learn. If we aren't willing to do that, then we need to keep our mouths shut.